I wonder. I wonder a lot of things. I create scenarios in my head of how I would like my life to span out. I feel like I put too much faith in karma. And that one day people will be put in their place. I know too well what it's like to keep your mouth shut. I sometimes feel like an outsider standing and watching my life pass me by. I want to know what it feels like to be completely selfish. I will always live my life putting my own needs and wants on the back burner. I don't understand succumbing to what would seem like a blissful life of secluding oneself in their own needs and wants. Lately, I find myself in this strange middle ground of being so unsure of everything around me. But I know that I would not trade that feeling if certainty meant leaving it all behind me.
I am anxious. For once, in a good way. The feeling of being on edge has always made me very unproductive. I am going to trade the adrenaline that pumps through me for an energy to get stuff done. Instead of letting it take me over. I am bigger than this. I feel ready to take on another year of stress in the form of academics. I will conquer the beast, I think.
On a side note: I fucking love cyanide and happiness.
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