mistakes.

I know I brought this upon myself. I will always contemplate what if. And its my own fault. I could have left it with a clean cut and break. But no, I decided to complicate it and drag it on much further than it has to be dragged on. It would've been easier if you had stopped fucking with my mind and just left me alone. But you listened, like no one else had listened. An unbiased opinion that I needed to hear. But definitely not quite what I wanted to hear. Not that I would have done anything if you told me what I think I wanted to hear. I don't know, you're fucking with my head so much and now that I'm gone this was supposed to be done. But I had to mess that up too. I know I haven't done anything wrong and have no intention of doing so. Then why am I feeling so guilty?

I know I take him for granted sometimes, but I will genuinely miss him when I go back. I don't know who'll remind me to be a good person, if not him.

I'm sorry, but I just need my space and sometimes I feel suffocated. I want all the uncertainty in my head to go away, and it probably will come september when I can breathe on my own again. As much as I love having you here to depend on, I need to be strong on my own too.

I've made so many mistakes lately that I'm not sure what to do with myself. But what's done is done. This is probably the most open and real I've been with myself. Sometimes I get lost in the vagueness of my own self and I don't even know what I'm talking about.