forget your name, forget your fear.

I don't know how I even allow myself to be hurt by you anymore. You make me so angry. I almost want to turn on my heel and book it out the door. I could never hurt you like that though. Every little thing that I used to be able to look past is bothering me. And I'm scared. I'm scared that this might not be it anymore. I'm scared that I keep making excuses not to go or to go. I'm not even sure anymore. I hate this. I hate how hard everything has become. Especially things that used to be so simple. I hate that I have no idea. Of anything. I hate that I have no more reason to come back. I hate that I shouldn't have used that as a reason to begin with. I hate that I can't be okay when I get stuck in my own head. I hate you for this. I hate him for this. I hate that the only person I have any right to hate right now is myself.

Nothing is right anymore. I'm can't believe I caved in. I knew this was going to be hard, but I thought I could do it. The allure of finding you right now is so appealing. I can't believe how bad I want it. And all of that makes me realize how guilty I feel. How do I even have the right to be mad or upset when I am causing so much pain on my own.