weakness, weakness at the thought of how you're gonna play.

How long should I stay?

Vodka and I are no longer friends, I don't think. I can't believe my own stupidity. Why would that ever be a good idea? Somehow my legs don't function now and I can barely stand. I awoke this morning more tired than I've ever been in my life and full of questions. Questions that are gaining answers that I never wanted to hear or admit to myself. I miss you more than ever. Come home to me please. It's clear what I want, but I have one huge obstruction in the way of it. One that I can't seem to shake and that has a lot more power over me than I originally thought. I was wrong to let it slip out of my hands. I need to regain control over the situation. But how do you control what you feel, what you think. I just can't stay in the limbo anymore. I need to assert what I want and need to do. I need to re-create my image of you. One that is not so high on a pedestal. I mean, we have our moments and they are beautiful. But I can't just relive those moments over and over to make them a reality. I need to realize that you're not what I want, because you would just hurt me over and over. Which is something I wouldn't be able to handle right now. I don't know what my intentions were last night, but they did not transpire well.

"I can always trust as much as you deceive"

I was wrong to trust you. You were wrong to say that I could. You read me like a book and told me everything I needed, but I was wrong. I don't think you could care the way you say you could. I think when the reality of what a mess I am hits you in the face you'd run the opposite direction as fast as possible. There's nothing I can do, but accept that. It's not something that I want to face as true, but it is the truth. I need to let you go so that I can bring my focus back onto what is important and what has been important all these years. but there's still so much of me hanging on to you, that I don't know how to let go without hurting myself too.