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I AM DONE FOR THE SUMMERRRRRRRR!!! I thought I would start off with that and also, I PASSED CALCULUS. I have never been so happy to see a D- in my life. Actually, it may be the first one i've ever seen. but either way, I am happy to see it. I am so happy to be done first year! And I'm glad to be home, although I do miss 309. I have a lot to accomplish this summer.. Let's make a list! (I am really over-using the exclamation marks tonight)

THE SUMMER LIST
1. FIX MY ROOM. it is seriously disaster area.
2. Get this jewelry thing going. If I'm going to make any money out of it I really need to take it seriously.
3. Brush up on Classical piano. I have missed it oh so much.
4. Lose the 15 lbs I gained in University. The freshman 15- its a reality.
5. Actually use my future gym membership- This is important.
6. Get psyched for second year.
7. Get my room ready in 108 Barclay
8. READ a lot.
9. Have an awesome frkn summer.


Wow, I really suck at this Tuesday Confessionals thing.
But, I am too tired to commit right now. I'm going to sleeeeep.

Don't fool yourself.

You are not done school yet. You are not done school yet. I have to remind myself this every couple of seconds. I actually have a very important exam coming up monday. Considering I failed the first midterm there's kinda a lot riding on this. Just like everything else.

I have packed up almost everything. Watching myself store the life I held for a mere 8 months was actually really depressing. Whenever I see people moving out, I get really depressed. In two ways- I wish I was them and I don't want to move out yet. I am quite comfortable exactly where I am thank you.
Although part of me cannot wait to get home.

I want to be deep into summer. When it's actually summer outside. I want to be able to sit outdoors until 2 in the morning because its warm enough to.

I really need a job. I feel like such a fail for not being able to get one. I don't even know what I'm going to do for money. I mean, there's always prostitution, but I don't really want to head down that road again... Anyways...

I have given up on biology for the evening. "Biological Sciences 3rd Edition" and I will reconvene in the morn. And this time i will conquer it. I mean seriously, I only have a chapter and a half left I really just need to tank through it.

Anyways, I know its early but I have already come up with an action plan for next year. I needed to do it so that way I could get into the mentality during the summer so I come back pumped.

CONQUERING SECOND YEAR
1. Go to class!
every single one of them

2. Do your readings!
keep up with everything

3. Start assignments early!
procrastination is the devil

4. Stay in shape!
join fitness classes.

5. Eat a lot better!
this means eating at better times too

6. Sleep normally!
5 am is not an acceptable bed time

7. Learn how to cook!
buying food is expensive

8. No excessive TV/movie watching!
stay focused

9. Don't Stress out!
don't put so much stress/pressure on yourself

10. Pay attention to the task at hand!
ADD will be the death of your marks

11. Make time for yourself!
remember that the less you procrastinate the more likely this is

12. Don't make excuses!
suck it up and do what you have to

13. Maintain a good work space!
get organized

14. Keep a clean room!
remember that cleanliness is next to godliness.

15. Be awesome!
this year is your year.

Holy crap, I am such a loser its not even funny.
Peace.

Leaving.

I can't really handle this. Everything is slowly, but surely getting packed up into little neat boxes. I have to admit, my packing is awesome, but this really sucks. I'm also being sort of impractical. I'm leaving the décor for last. I just can't handle to sleep in a room of bare walls. I can barely even stay in the kitchen, in all its emptiness. I'm packing up my comfort zone and it's fucking scary as hell. I've said bye to one half of the people who have held my sanity together the past 8 months when I needed it most. Looking back, I had no idea it was going to be like this. I don't even remember gradually getting into the relationships I have with my roommates. It just sort of was instant. I glance around my half-empty bedroom and realize that this is my home for only 3 days more. I want summer so bad, but I didn't really think about what that meant about leaving. I'm already kind of excited for the end of summer when we are reunited in 108 Barclay. But still, its not just moving out of the suite. Its moving out of res. It just means that everything changes again. I picked myself off the floor to come here and now I have to do it again to come home. Knowing that when I come back in September everything must change. I've never been good with change. I don't think I ever will be.

I really need to concentrate though, if I'm even going to get through these last three days.

Belated Tuesday Confessionals:
+ I want to write down everything he says, so I can look back at it when I need him the most.
+ I am scared to death of change and never accept it willingly.
+ I ate almost an entire bag of jalapeño chips last night.
+ I have not begun studying for my biology exam, I really need to start.
+ I hate it when people chew with their mouths open, for both the sight and sounds.

parallel dimensions.

I wish that i could not exist for less than 24 hours starting now. And then be back in existence at around 12'noon tomorrow. My life would be so much better. I don't think I can tame the beast they call calculus, but I know I can't fail either.
I just don't want to be stressed anymore.

Redone.

Yes, I re-did the colouring of my blog and such.
I have OCD about my internet stuff. And I just wanted my blog to match my twitter in some way.



Yes, I am that big of a loser, in case you didn't already know.

we've been generally warned.

This is what Dr. Joe Kim wants us to look at


ELEVEN MORE DAYS. yes I'm counting down, so what. I somehow still have zero motivation to focus. Apparently, failure is now an option. And yet, that doesn't seem to scare me into doing anything about it. I mean, anything other than shitting my pants. I am so damn jealous of the people who are already done, or who will be done in like 2 days. I am actually scared shitless though of moving out of here. I don't think I can last 4 months at home. Not to mention, I'm going to miss so many people. And it seems like I'll have nothing to do but sit on my ass all day. I really need a job. I will stop being whiny and ranty now.

BLAH! EXAMS!

Basically, I hate life. I hate school. I thought I used to hate school, but that hatred is nothing compared to the burning rage I feel toward it now. okay, enough anger. Only 13 more hellish days left. I cannot believe I am failing calculus. Like legitimately failing. Holy shit, I never thought it would come to this.

but anyways, enough with my angst.

Tuesday Confessionals
+ I have barely left my bed today.

+ I am hungry 99% of the time

+ I have this overwhelming feeling of fear due to this high stress time of my life

+ I am actually really excited for second year, because I am going to tackle the beast and defeat it. AKA regain my intelligence and crazy high marks.

+ I need to sleep in a more regular pattern. I sleep sporadically.

+ I REALLY REALLY need a job. Its not even funny.

school ruins lives. I can't believe I have like 7 more years of this hellish ordeal.

P.S. I got twitter. It creeps me out.

Tuesday Confessionals.

+ I hate it when I go through phases where I only like about 5 songs in my itunes library.

+ I am really currently obsessed with No You Girls by Franz Ferdinand

+ I would give almost anything to make you remember me or at least pretend to. I don't want to try anymore, in fear of being shot down. But it's honestly really tearing me up inside.

+ I get really depressed when I think about moving out of 309.

+ I didn't do the last two physics questions because I am frustrated and only have 10 minutes before the deadline anyways.

+ I sometimes get really hyper and energetic for no apparent reason.

eric's birthday is in 11 minutes. I wish more than anything that I was at home right now with him.